Divine pattern in marriage 4
by Ivan Ho 31 May 2025
Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
1 Timothy 2:11-14 KJV
Recently I came across a video on social media in which a woman was speaking about her experience in finding her soulmate. Growing up in a Christian environment, she has been longing to meet her soulmate. After some time of her soulmate not forthcoming, she decided to search for this person on social media, and found someone that she thought would match what she was looking for. Within 6 months of meeting each other for the first time, they were married despite her parent’s objections. For years after marriage, she thought they were perfect match for each other, in her own words, the “Yin and Yang” that compliment each other’s personalities. After 6 years of marriage, however, her “husband” suddenly told her that she was actually a transgender woman. After overcoming the initial shock of being deceived, she decided to stay with the same person in marriage.
It’s one thing to be deceived but quite another to stay in the same deception.
Eve was deceived when she engaged in a conversation with the devil without consulting her husband who was with her. When a woman becomes independent of the God ordained authority over her life, in Eve’s case being her husband, she is vulnerable to demonic attack and prone to deception. On the other hand, Adam listened to his wife without checking the word of God, and took the forbidden fruit as well. He wasn’t deceived but was just as guilty of disobedience to God’s commands.
And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
1 Timothy 2:14 KJV
God does not intend anyone to live independent lives. Instead, He puts authority figures in our lives to give us instructions and to help guide and protect us. In marriage, God has ordained the husband to be the leader of his wife, even though man and woman are created to be equal. The head of the man is Christ. He is supposed to lead his wife as he follows the leadership of Christ. As long as man and woman follow the leadership roles ordained by God, they are being covered and protected.
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
1 Corinthians 11:3 KJV
God doesn’t put everybody and anybody to be a woman’s leader, but specifically calls her to be submissive to her own husband. Just because a man carries a title and is put in some sort of political or religious position of authority doesn’t necessarily make him the authoritative figure over the rest of mankind, regardless of their gender.
Mordecai refused to bow to Haman even though the latter was made the second highest ranking official under the Persian king. Haman was eventually judged for overstepping his authority by dominating over people under his jurisdiction, even getting too close to queen Esther and angered the king.
If we read the bible, especially the Old Testament, we would find that God ordained authorities often comes through close relations within the family, such as fathers and sons, husbands and wives.
A minister’s role is not to override the decisions of the husband or the father in the family. A pastor’s role is to provide spiritual input and leadership for the people God places under his care, but he ought not interfere with and supercede the leadership role of the husband to his wife, or father to his children. When leadership roles and responsibilities are violated, there will be chaos and confusion, and God is not the author of confusion.
Satan’s tactics is to tempt people to rebel against God and become independent of God ordained authorities over our lives in the name of freedom and equality. That is exactly what’s happening in the feminist and LGBT movements in the world which has now infiltrated in the churches. These are demonic movements which defy the creation order and leadership roles of God.
Not only that, the devil targets families by causing divisions between husbands and wives, and stirring up conflicts between parents and children, replacing family structures with governmental controls whereby parents are not allowed to discipline their own children. Dysfunction in families invariably leads to dysfunction in the society.
Unfortunately, there are people in churches who suggest that God no longer requires a woman to be submissive to her husband, that the redemption of Christ from our sins has also delivered the woman from the curse (submissive to husband being a curse to them), with reference to the following scripture:
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
In 1 Tim 2:12, the woman to “usurb authority” of the man has the following meaning:
Strong’s Definition
to act of oneself that is (figuratively) dominate: – usurp authority over.
In other words, the woman is being independent of the authority figure over her life, and moreso to “dominate” the man, which God does not permit.
“To dominate” is similar in meaning to the words “rule over” in aforesaid scripture in Genesis 3:16.
Strong’s Definition
to rule: – (make to have) dominion; governor; reign; rule; have power.
God does not want the man to dominate the woman or vice versa. It was judgement and a curse as a consequence of the woman’s sin and disobedience against God to have the husband “rule over” her.
Indeed, in Christ we have been delivered from the judgement and the curses of sin. Having been delivered from the curse, however, does not mean we are no longer required to be submissive to the leadership figures over our lives. “Honour thy parents” is one of the 10 commandments we still need to observe, the commandment which Jesus hasn’t abolished.
When a woman tries to become independent of the man, i.e. either her husband or her father before marriage, she becomes prone to all kinds of deceptions. Even Esther, who lost both her father and mother since childhood, was submissive to her uncle Mordecai who was the authority figure over her life. Because of her obedience, she was led to the palace and became the queen who saved the people of Israel from annihilation. While obedience to authority would lead us to our destiny, disobedience makes us vulnerable to demonic deceptions.
Christ did not live an independent life on earth. He was submissive to his earthly parents growing up as a child, and more importantly, submissive to His heavenly Father and followed the leading of the Holy Spirit at all times.
Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise.
John 5:19 KJV
Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.
Matthew 4:1 KJV
Only Christ can satisfy our innermost needs
The Samaritan woman at the well has had six men in her life before she met Christ. She was hoping to find fulfilment of her soul and went from one relationship to another, seeking for “soulmates” to satisfy what was lacking in her soul. In so doing, she was drinking from wells that would never give her lasting satisfaction.
While wholesome relationships can give us friendship and support emotionally or otherwise, God never meant to have our spouses (or any other human relationships) to fill the innermost thirst in our souls. God did not take from Adam’s soul to create Eve so there was nothing missing in each person’s soul that needs to be completed by the other person.
However, God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone so He took from his rib and created Eve to be his suitable helper.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18 KJV
The primary role of the wife is not to complete what is lacking in her husband’s soul but rather to be his suitable helper to fulfill their God given destiny and assignments on earth.
That does not make a woman a second class citizen being inferior to man any more than the Holy Spirit being inferior in the triune godhead. It only means that the husband is designed to take the leadership role in the marital relationship.
Although a person can give companionship and help to meet some of his or her spouse’s personal needs, the well they are drinking from each other will never give them everlasting satisfaction. That’s probably why some people keep moving from one relationship to another to try to satisfy the longings in their souls, only to become disillusioned and disappointed.
Little do they know, the only person who can satisfy not only the longings in one’s soul but moreso his or her spiritual needs is Jesus Christ. He alone can give us water that we won’t thirst again. Christ is the only person who can offer us life, and life everlasting.
Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: but whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.
John 4:13-14 KJV